“Don’t say yes when you want to say no”. Many of us forget this all the time!
Since childhood, most of us were brought up saying we should never turn down anyone who needs help or never deny our elders for the assistance they require. This almost unknowingly has made us believe that saying “no” to someone is bad or selfish.
While there might be truth to some extent in these things we learned from our elders, we might have to evaluate its applicability in different situations. Failing to do so might get us into some serious problems.
These beliefs may unwittingly convert us into people-pleasers and we might get ready to take the burden onto us of doing something for someone else even at the cost of our commitments rather than denying their request. Some of us also give our nod without thinking about what the consequences of doing so could be.
This way of dealing with things could do more harm than good.
Our inability to refuse someone of something they might want us to do may take a toll on our mental health. It may end up making us feel burdened, pressurized, frustrated, and ultimately exhausted after continuously battling this emotional conflict. It is generally seen that this behavior has its roots in low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence.
If we observe closely, this emotional conflict that we face could make us feel bad either way whether you are able or not of declining something. Just imagine, if you agree with them and commit to helping out, you feel bad for being so gullible, and not prioritizing yourself first and turning them down makes you feel as if you are the rudest and the most selfish person on the planet!
How then, should we deal with this issue?
The only solution to this problem is to learn the art of saying “no” and learn to see each situation differently before we apply our value systems to decide between them.
We first need to teach ourselves that choosing ourselves over something or someone else is not always wrong or mean unlike what we have been believing for so long now.
In fact, our ability to communicate ourselves and our priorities more clearly increases respect for us in the eyes of others and also makes us feel confident about making the right decisions.
Many people put themselves and their work at stake no matter how important it may be for the fear of “losing friends” or “hurting people” or simply out of courtesy.
What we forget here is that we often overthink these scenarios and there’s not so much to worry about.
When you decline someone’s request for something, they usually understand that you do it out of your constraints and commitments.
Also, we perceive that just directly and bluntly saying “NO” is the only of conveying your decision and that’s what makes us think that it is crude.
Well, that’s not true at all!
There are so many ways in which one can politely communicate their concerns.
Honesty is the best policy, especially in such situations. If you do not communicate your concerns in the beginning and go ahead agreeing with them, it would only complicate things for you later. It is always better to express yourself first rather than regretting afterward. Be true and honest to yourself and to others regarding what needs you have and how much you can support them!
Communicate clearly: You don’t have to give everyone long explanations about why you can’t lend your hand. Something like “thank you so much for reaching out to me, but I’m afraid I can’t help this time” would work well enough! Remember not to apologize excessively for you are not obligated to help them out every time they ask for it.
Take time: It is always a good idea to ask for some time to evaluate the situation before you go ahead with doing the task. This way, you are at a better place to see for yourself if you can or cannot do something. It’s better than hastily agreeing for something and then feeling disappointed thereafter.
Remember you are important: Always prioritize your tasks first before making space in your calendar for something that is relatively less important for you. Let’s say you still have time after doing all your stuff, then you also need to think if that specific task is what you’d like to do in your free time or if it is worth your time. Thinking of all these parameters is not being self-centered but being aware and also using your time judiciously.
At the end of the day, we need to understand our worth and pay importance to it because if we don’t then no one else will!
Learning to say “no” is surely a skill that we all should work upon to keep ourselves out of difficult situations and later portraying a sorry figure to ourselves!
I hope you all could connect to this concept and thank you so much for reading through this!
Do leave your feedback and suggestions in the comments!
I’ll see you next Sunday with another post.